10. Perfectionism

This pattern refers to the mentality and behavior of constantly setting goals that are most likely higher than achievable, disapproving of oneself or others, and being overly fussy and critical of and overly attentive to details and other people’s opinions.

There are three main tendencies: 

1. ‘Individual perfectionist’. Setting extremely high standards for oneself to follow and being relentlessly critical of oneself in order to do things better and better. There is a strong tendency to be ‘perfect’ as a person. 
2. ‘Social perfectionist’. Thinking it is very important to have a perfect society. One can easily get upset or unhappy about what happens in society and make strong criticisms. 
3. ‘Other perfectionist’. Using extremely high standards to judge other people or having unreasonably high expectations of them. The tendency to harshly criticize or complain about those who do not measure up to one’s high standards. The tendency to feel superior or to be narcissistic.

Related patterns include: Polarized Thinking, Self- Centeredness, Fixed Expectations, Stubbornness, Competitiveness, Greediness, Negativity and Pessimism, Over- generalization, Excessive Expectations, Approval Seeking, Making Unnecessary Comparison, Tormented by Loss and Gain and Urge to Control. 

The obsession with and pursuit of so-called ‘perfection’ and unrealistic goals creates fertile soil for frustration, self-doubt, helplessness, self-blame, and the feelings of loss, loneliness and tiredness. It is as though one has formed a cocoon around the body and confined oneself to a narrow space. This will seriously impede the chance to enjoy a rich and happy life as well as limit freedom and the opportunity to realize the true value of life. It can also lead to tension and conflict with others.

• It is necessary to distinguish perfectionism from being responsible, as they are fundamentally different. 
• Cultivate Wu Xin, especially love and trust. Working on the patterns of Self-Centeredness, Excessive Expectation and Approval Seeking can help. 
• It is necessary to understand that nothing in the world is absolutely perfect. Relentlessly pursuing an imaginary perfection is as though trying to construct a building in the air. The end result will often be the opposite of what was originally wished for. 
  
• It is important to know that obsessively pursuing perfection is a process of torturing oneself and damaging others. This process has nothing to do with ‘perfection’ and neither does the outcome. 
• The focus should be on creating a good life by working on oneself. A better life for oneself can then have a positive influence on others and benefit others.