15. Envy and Jealousy

Envy is the mentality and behavior of yearning for something other people have but we don’t.

Jealousy is the mentality and behavior of losing internal balance as a result of having excessive envy that evolves into strong feelings of a negative and destructive nature.

Examples are: 

• When my sister receives compliments such as ‘You are so gorgeous’ or ‘You are so smart’, I feel.... 

• When I see that my old friend from school has a good job, a lot of money and a beautiful, happy family, I feel.... 

• My colleague got promoted and he is not even that competent, I can’t help feeling.... 

• When I heard that a fellow practitioner who doesn’t seem to be that special has recently reached a very high level of realization, my first response was....

Related patterns include: Making Unnecessary Comparisons, Competitiveness, Fixed Expectations, Self- Centeredness, Double Standards, Excessive Expectations, Eager for Quick Results, Approval Seeking, Perfectionism, Stubbornness, Unfounded Suspicion, Negativity and Pessimism, Shirking and Shifting Responsibility, Exaggerating and Debasing, and Resentment and Revenge.

This pattern can trigger unhealthy emotions such as resistance, opposition, negativity, pessimism, anger, resentment, hatred, suspicion, belittling, disappointment, being unfairly treated, self-pity, low self-esteem, upset, shame, and failure to accept. The pattern can even prompt people to engage in behavior such as creating and spreading rumors, defaming, framing and attacking. Sometimes envy and jealousy that are repressed can be even more unbearable and can cause severe damage to oneself and others and seriously affect one’s relationships. 

There is a popular Chinese saying on the internet: ‘Envy, jealousy and hate’. It is a very good depiction of the progressive intensity of these three elements.

• It is necessary to explore and understand why we envy and what we envy at a deep level. 

• When people we know are doing well, why not express our sincere blessings and good wishes and happiness for them? We can also learn from them and see if there are things that can be of use to us. 

• Think about why it is difficult to accept when good things happen to people who have certain relationships with us, or are even close to us, while it is not a problem when the same thing happens to a stranger? 

• When we envy others too much or too often, it could be related to the inadequacy of our inner world, including not being rich enough on the Jingshen level and a lack of realization and wisdom. 

• Cultivate Wu Xin, especially acceptance and gratitude for everything one has and receives. When we are content, we won’t feel ‘not enough’ so easily. It is also important to work on the related patterns.