17. Shirking and Shifting Responsibility

Shirking refers to the behavior of denying, not wanting to or being afraid to face reality and take on responsibility. Shifting responsibility refers to the behavior of passing responsibility on to other people or blaming others for failures. 

When the two are joined, this pattern refers to the mentality and behavior of denying, refusing to accept or shifting responsibility to other things or people when faced with a reality one finds difficult to deal with. 

Examples are: 

• A father who is in a bad mood and vents his anger on his innocent children. 

• If you hadn’t said something displeasing, I wouldn’t have yelled at you. You started it. 

• My life, my health or my happiness has been completely ruined because of what you did, and I have lost the opportunity to make a good life and grow. 

• Society has completely messed up my life.

•I haven’t made much change to my life because 1) I am not ready, and 2) I haven’t found anything that is good enough to help me make the change.

Related patterns include: Hiding and Avoiding, Urge to Control, Approval Seeking, Fixed Expectations, Self- Centeredness, Competitiveness, Ignoring and Avoiding Action, Double Standards, Laziness and Procrastination, Tormented by Loss and Gain, Responding with Negative Emotions, Exaggerating and Debasing and Resentment and Revenge.

This pattern makes one work against universal values such as objectivity, fairness, equality and sensibility. It could lead to unhealthy emotions and outcomes such as loss of internal balance (equilibrium), self-blame, disappointment, conflict, pressure, anxiety, fear, anger and pain. It will also make one unable to honestly face and deal with problems. When this pattern is strong, one can lose self-awareness and the ability to examine oneself, seeing no faults in oneself and all the faults in others. It is even possible to engage oneself in activities that create negative causes (karma) such as using unscrupulous means or making up false information to defame or frame innocent people.

• Fairness, justice and equality are universal values in human society and nature. ‘Do not impose on others what you don’t want others to impose on you’ is a basic moral code for human life. 

• When we are triggered and emotionally disturbed, we are obligated to take responsibility, face things and deal with them, rather than take things out on family members or anyone else. 

• No one can be immune from making mistakes. Being brave and owning up to them is the act of being responsible, and this is how it is possible to truly know our problems and face them. Once a problem is faced, it can be followed by an effort to address it. This is how an uplifted life becomes a reality. 

• Those who have the courage to admit their faults or mistakes are truly brave and strong. Being afraid of admitting one’s problems or unwilling to accept them and shirking and shifting the responsibility to others will only make problems grow bigger, continually causing damage to one’s own life and that of others. 

• Cultivate Wu Xin, especially openness. When your heart is truly open, you will find that facing and accepting your shortcomings or flaws is a wonderful thing and it makes you feel safer. 

• When one treats others and the world unfairly and unjustly, eventually there will be payback, and often in even greater measure.