18. Tormented by Loss and Gain

This pattern refers to the mentality and behavior of fearing or worrying about not getting what one wants and, at the same time, losing what one already has.

Examples are: 

• I am planning to make a financial investment but I can’t stop thinking and worrying about what if the investment results in a loss. 

• I often struggle with making decisions and choices and suffer after decisions are made as I can’t stop thinking and worrying about the loss or gain the decisions and choices might incur. 

• I was told that this practice can help improve my health and life, but I keep wondering if the time and effort I put in will pay off or not. 

• I applied for a job that I really hope to get. After the interview, I couldn’t stop playing back in my head what I did and said at the interview and wondering if I will get the job.

Related patterns include: Seeking Maximal Certainty, Excessive Expectations, Unfounded Suspicion, Negativity and Pessimism, Greediness, Making Unnecessary Comparison, Approval Seeking, Competitiveness, Perfectionism, Driven Solely by Self-Interest, Urge to Control, Stubbornness, Laziness and Procrastination, Exaggerating and Debasing and Responding with Negative Emotions.

This pattern can make judging and decision-making difficult. It can trap one in a space of ill feelings and unhealthy emotions such as indecisiveness, confusion, helplessness, regret, stress, nervousness, anxiety and feeling torn. Creativity can be smothered and the opportunity to learn and grow diminished when life is tormented by the constant worry of loss and gain.

• Cultivate Wu Xin, especially trust and openness. Work on the related patterns.

• It is necessary to understand that there is no absolute good or bad. What determines the nature of a thing is the way we view, relate to and deal with it.

• Learn to make an effort to focus on the present and do what is right in the moment, rather than focusing on and calculating loss and gain in the past or future.

• It is important to understand the true meaning of loss and gain. Loss and gain go together. When we gain something, we also lose something. When we lose something, it could be the opportunity to gain something even better.

• Fundamentally, loss and gain are not as clear-cut as what we see on a superficial level. Loss and gain are the cause and effect of one another and they transform into one another. One should not be overtaken by worry about immediate or superficial loss and gain. As common wisdom says: ‘Time will tell.’

• Maintain a harmonious relationship and unification with everything. Keep awareness alive. Allow the True Self to gradually show up and be the master of life. These are things anyone can work on and achieve.