3. Unfounded Suspicion

1) The Evolution and Development of the Human Species

In primitive societies, the main threat to survival came from nature, including the elements and wild animals. Humans had to maintain a high level of vigilance and constantly scout for potential danger in order to pre-emptively protect themselves. Hunting at that time was the main way to sustain life. To increase the success rate, our ancestors had to learn about animal behaviour patterns through a lot of guessing and predicting. Furthermore, in order to protect what they possessed and their self- interest, they had to remain suspicous to detect potential danger in order to defend themselves from other people. All of these contributed to the formation of this pattern.

2) Basic Instincts and Needs on the Level of Human Nature

The human instinct to ‘seek benefit (interest) and avoid harm; seek simplicity (easy solution) and avoid complexity (extra work)’ is the main driving force that propelled the formation of this pattern.

3) Social and Cultural Environment

As human civilization evolved, humans were able to create and use tools and be more productive. Language also developed, both verbal and written. The relationship between humans became more and more complex and feelings became more and more sophisticated. Knowing other people’s thoughts and feelings became necessary for both protecting one’s own interests and maintaining good relationships. The development of the ability to guess and estimate was a natural outcome of the evolving natural, social and cultural environment.

In the past century, the means to make products has undergone rapid development. Now in the 21st century, we are at a time when machines are so efficient in manufacturing products that consumer goods in large quantities are made available to the masses, stimulating the desire to procure more and more. It is fertile ground for greed. As more and more resources become available, greed for money, power, sex and control also grow. When one is controlled by a strong desire to get something, constantly obsessed with loss and gain, it is easy to become suspicious and lose trust.

In reality, many things can obstruct the interactions between people. One of the common ones is suspicion, which can be found in couples, siblings, parents and children, colleagues etc. Both social and cultural influences play a big role in this.

Chinese culture, many commonly accepted ideas on this topic have been passed down from generation to generation. For example,

- One should not have the intention to harm others but should remain vigilant and ready to defend oneself against others.

- One would rather believe it (something potentially dangerous) is true than not true.

- It is always advisable to be prepared for danger even when one is in a safe and secure time and environment.

- If one doesn’t consider the distant future, he will certainly have immediate troubles.

These common sayings are to remind people to be prepared for potential risks or dangers. The common theme seems to be that it is better to be somewhat negative about reality and the future in order to be more prepared. Although it makes sense for self-protection, over emphasis or over development of this type of thinking can contribute to the pattern of suspicion

A person can also develop this pattern in a micro-social and cultural environment. For example, in a group, community or work environment, if filled with ‘politics’ or things going on ‘behind one’s back’, people can naturally become suspicious and on guard. If acting this way for a long time, a pattern can form.

4) Family Environment

Family environment can play a role in the formation of this pattern. For example, when parents treat children in an authorative style, children can feel oppressed. This dynamic can contribute to the development of qualities such as lack of confidence and fear. One may have difficulty making decisions or taking intiative and be afraid of making mistakes. A person like this can often be overly cautious and constantly on guard and suspicous.

5) Education

When the macro-social environment is characterized by a low level of trust or lacking in a sense of security, it can certainly influence the education system. Not only that, if there is no proactive emphasis on the development of trust and sense of security, the system itself may even provide ground for the development of the pattern of suspicion.

6) Personal Factors

Personal factors can play a strong role in the formation of the pattern of suspicion. If a person allows personal desires such as greed for money, power or sex to grow without exercising much control, suspicion is likely to grow with it. On the contrary, if a person is selfless, willing to offer unconditional love and to give, then he or she will have very little to fear or to worry about. In other words, when one is overly focused on one’s own loss and gain and always making self-interest the top priority, the mentality of ‘harbouring or hiding something’ is likely to develop, which naturally prompts one to be extremely cautious. Often he will look at people and things from a very skewed perspective. Bit by bit this can contribute to the development of the pattern of distrust and suspicion.

Let’s start this section with a Chinese parable – A Suspect for Stealing an Axe. Once upon a time, there was a farmer who lost his axe. He suspected that his neighbour’s son stole it so he started to watch that child. Everything he saw reinforced his suspicion, the way the child looked, acted, walked, talked and the things he said; everything ‘confirmed’ that he was the person stealing the axe. A few days later when digging in the soil on his farm, he found the axe. Obviously he himself had left the axe behind. Since then, the neigbour’s son hasn’t looked a bit like he had stolen an axe.

When one is suspicious, perceptions can often be twisted. One can easily misinterpret what others say and do. If two people are whispering, we can be wondering if they are speaking about us. One can be constantly worried whether other people are doing things that can be harmful to one’s interest.

Suspicion puts a person in a state of tension. Judgments can be made based on unfounded thoughts, imagination and misinterpretation, rather than truth. Other people are often cast in the role of ‘enemy’, making honest encounters difficult and posing obstacles to building healthy and harmonious relationships.

To better understand the pattern of suspicion, let’s look further into its causes and consequences more specifically.

1) Lack of basic openness and trust

Due to lack of openness and trust, one can easily question other people’s motivation or look at other people in a negative light. Their good will or normal behaviour can easily be misunderstood or misinterpreted. Their compliments can be interpreted as sarcasm or ridicule. Their comments can be taken personally. When a person is not actively reaching out to you, it can be interpreted as intentionally keeping distance from you or isolating you.

2) Locking oneself in ‘closed circuit’ thinking

When a person is completely set and locked in his own way of thinking, it is like running in a ‘closed circuit’. Nothing can break in or break out of the circle the person draws. This inevitably makes the person see everything through a filtered lens, with no intention of adjusting his views no matter what. As a result, everything gets twisted in a negative way. When everything one sees is negative, suspicion will naturally develop.

3) Believing rumours

Rumours and misinformation are widely circulated in our society. The majority of them are related to negative things or are negative in nature. What does it say about a person who easily believes negative information? It is possible that the pattern of suspicion already exists. Furthermore, because misinformation and rumours tend to be negative, over time believing them can form a negative view of reality, which can contribute to breeding suspicion about people and things in general. Besides, negative or not, when rumours or misinformation are proven false, people’s trust can be lost and the pattern of suspicion can be strengthened. In the end, the result of easily believing rumours or misinformation is the formation and reinforcement of the pattern of suspicion. When a whole society engages in this, there can be a crisis of trust.

4) Past negative experience

It is not easy to find any validity or advantage in the pattern of suspicion. Suspicion is different from ‘inference’ or ‘guesstimation/speculation’. It is not evidence-based and so it is not an effort to get closer to the truth. Most of the time it leads to unpleasant, self-inflicted trouble and a manifestation of internal confusion and conflict. Inference or guesstimation/speculation on the other hand is an effort to get closer to the truth or predict by reasoning based on evidence or reliable information, even though the evidence or information is insufficient. An example is when criminal investigators try to determine the course of events based on the available evidence.

Suspicion is also different from reasonable doubt. For example, a colleague tells you that one of your good friends has been talking behind your back to your boss. However, you know your friend is sincere and honest. You therefore suspect that this colleague is intentionally trying to damage your relationship with your friend. This is reasonable doubt and is necessary for making sound judgments.

Suspicion can sometimes make a person overly sensitive. Being sensitive is not necessarily a negative thing. On the contrary, people who are more sensitive are often more ‘ling’ (‘spiritually’ in-tune). Sensitivity can also contribute to the manifestation of creativity. However, if sensitivity is directed toward interpreting things negatively, especially in relationship to other people, and suspicion is encouraged, then there is a need to work on the pattern of suspicion.

When the pattern of suspicion is strong, we can be constantly on guard. When seeing an eyebrow raised, we think that person is looking down on us. When we see a twitch of the mouth, we wonder if that person dislikes us. We can interpret something someone said as offensive when it was not in the least intended that way. When people are whispering, we immediately wonder if they are saying something negative about us. When a friend does not return our text message immediately, we wonder if he or she is not happy with us. Or we always wonder if something bad will happen when traveling. When a family member is a little late coming home, we wonder if there has been an accident. We even wonder if our partner still loves us when he or she does a small thing that we don’t like. All these are examples of how suspicion can lead to emotional distress, fear and anxiety. When a pattern of suspicion is established, it can manifest at any time in any situation.

When we notice that this pattern is showing, it is necessary to take measures that can help us deal with it, including actively stopping it, changing thoughts and resorting to rational thinking. It is also necessary to work on the causes of the pattern, for example, using Five Xin to improve Xin Ling. Good progress of any of the five Xin qualities can automatically break down the fortress made of the pattern of suspicion and its related patterns. For example, when openness or trust is well developed, the pattern of suspicion will, by and large, automatically disappear.

Apart from using Five Xin, it is also necessary to work directly on the pattern. This requires an active effort to make adjustments, and make them consistently. Let’s use the story of ‘A Suspect for Stealing an Axe’ as an example to look further at this.

In this story, the farmer jumps to the conclusion at the very beginning and keeps following that line of thinking until it reaches a dead end. The focus is always on the imaginary target. It is as though one has drawn a circle and locked oneself inside the circle. As time goes on, the circle becomes thicker and stronger and more and more unbreakable. This is like weaving a cocoon around oneself and eventually completely closing oneself in. When a person does this to his consciousness, his consciousness won’t be able to operate in a healthy way.

When we notice that we are suspicious of other people, we should immedately discontinue our suspicion, and start looking at why we feel this way. The rational way of dealing with it is to evaluate all kinds of possibilities fairly and objectively. The farmer should have first checked if he forgot his axe on the farm or dropped it on the way home. What can make us skip steps and jump to a conclusion based on suspicion? Could it be that we have been disturbed by what happened and so unable to think clearly? Could it be because we are overly concerned about loss and gain? Could it be our lack of sense of security? Could it be our habit of blaming or taking things out on other people? Could it be that we already have a biased view about the person we suspect? The farmer must have seen how ridiculous he was when he found the axe. However, before we discover the truth and we lock ourselves in the circle we draw, our suspicion makes ‘perfect sense’, no matter how extremely ridiculous it actually is. Having a clear head and thinking rationally is truly essential!

Apart from working on Xin Ling and especially building trust, developing self- confidence can also help transform the pattern of suspicion. One can start with learning to see and appreciate one’s own positive qualities and strengths. It is also important to recognize the importance of having a healthy relationship with other people. With this recognition, one needs to first develop trust in one’s own ability to build such a relationship. As self-confidence grows and relationships with other people improve, there is no need to be overly worried about how one is seen by others and suspicion will naturally diminish.

To change the pattern of suspicion, we also need to strengthen our ability to restore balance and be resilient. In real life, every person is subject to other people’s comments, criticisms, misunderstandings, misjudgments or even attacks. Such things are almost unavoidable so there is nothing surprising about them. This is exactly the sound way to view them. With this view, we can then work on dealing with events in a healthy way. For example, we can be humble and examine what is being said about us fairly and honestly to see if there is any element of truth. If there is and we can see room to improve ourselves, then we should make a sincere effort to do so. In this case, we should be grateful to those who criticize us for giving us the opportunity to grow. However, often we can feel the resentment or hostility behind what people express, and this is probably the most difficult to take and deal with. To this, we need to understand that often people do that because they need to vent what’s internally bothering them. In other words, it’s their own pain and suffering that prompts them to behave that way. We do not need to take on their problems and make ourselves suffer. It’s totally unnecessary to entangle ourselves this way. Instead, we should try to feel compassion for them and forgive them.

Misunderstandings between people can occur very easily. Again, do not expect to never be misunderstood by other people because it is simply not possible. Our focus should be on developing the ability and skill to deal with misunderstanding, for example, the ability to communicate successfully. When misunderstanding is not properly resolved, it can build up and create suspicion. Suspicion can further prime the soil for more misunderstanding. A vicious cycle can be formed this way. However, if we can make an effort to sincerely and honestly communicate with one another and try to understand one another better, misunderstandings and disagreements can be resolved. This peaceful way of dealing with misunderstanding can help build trust and clear suspicion.

As to the circulation of rumours and misinformation, on the one hand we need to keep a clear head so we don’t fall for them. On the other hand we should make sure that we don’t disseminate them and cause harm to others. When necessary, we need to let people know what they are, so they stop being ‘bats flying in the dark’.

We have learned about how suspicion can affect individuals or society. Let’s use a couple of quotes to conclude our discussion about this pattern.

- ‘Suspicion is like raging storms and wild beasts. It can confuse and disturb your mind -- mistaking good for bad, and right for wrong. It can harm your life, your family and your work.’ – unknown source

- ‘Suspicion amongst thoughts are like bats amongst birds, they ever fly by twilight.’ ― Francis Bacon