4. Excessive Expectations

This pattern refers to the mentality and behavior of having excessive and overly strong expectations concerning how things should go. For example, 

• My child is very special and gifted so he will definitely be very successful when he grows up. 
• My husband will get promoted and receive a big pay raise. 
• My wife will definitely become more and more loving and thoughtful. 
• I will not disappoint those who have positive expectations of me and I will do my best to be what they want me to be and fulfill their expectations. 
• I expect myself to be successful in everything I do and make every wish come true. 
• I strongly hope the world will be a place with no stupid and ugly things such as aggression, cruelty, war, injustice and damage to the environment. 
• The politician I hate should definitely not win this election. 
• My expectations of you are all for your own good.

Related patterns include: Fixed Expectations, Self- Centeredness, Greediness, Hiding and Avoiding, Competitiveness, Eagerness for Quick Results, Making Unnecessary Comparison, Double Standards, The Urge to Control, Tormented by Loss and Gain, Exaggerating and Debasing, Approval Seeking. 

This pattern often manifests as pressuring or abusing in the name of love and care. 

The fear of being seen as incompetent, stupid (not smart enough), a failure, or useless is often behind this pattern. There can also be worry of losing control or not being recognized/approved of. This pattern can inflict on oneself and others, negative emotions such as discontent, stress, nervousness, anxiety, disappointment, guilt, self-blame, or frustration. It can make people feel they are carrying a heavy burden on their back. It can also make it difficult for a person to accept herself or others and thereby deprive herself and others of happiness and freedom.

Cultivate Wu Xin, especially trust and openness. 

• Firstly, it is necessary to understand what is a reasonable expectation. A reasonable expectation is one that a person is physically and mentally fit to attempt without feeling much pressure. It is one that can inspire him to make a good effort and grow, and can help him break through his limitations and is beneficial for his life. An excessive expectation is one that is beyond what a person could or should attempt. Not only can it lead to the unhealthy emotions mentioned previously but also it can thwart the healthy development of life and even drive development in the opposite direction. 
  
• It is noteworthy that often people are unable to distinguish between a reasonable expectation and an excessive one. They see their excessive expectations as the expression of good intention and love and care. 
• Parents, in order to fulfill their own wishes, often impose on their children what they themselves have been unable to accomplish. Is this fair? If we have failed to accomplish something, why should we expect our children to? 
• When we are exerting so much effort but cannot feel happy or even feel very tired, we should examine the expectations we place on ourselves and whether we are attempting to fulfill the expectations of others. Is it time to put the baggage down? 
• Perfectionism is a typical manifestation of the pattern of Excessive Expectations. When is it time to give yourself a break and let go of your grip? 
• The higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. In fact, excessive expectations don’t bring more hope. On the contrary, they bring more problems and disappointment. 
• Discontent, dissatisfaction, fear or refusal to accept can all be the causes of excessive expectations. Learn to accept, be content and allow things to follow their own course and follow/respect their laws. This pattern will gradually change and good things will happen naturally. 
• We should always have sound goals and do our best to achieve them. However, we should take a relaxed attitude towards the outcome, no matter how far or close it is to our expectations.