5. Fixed Expectations, Preconceptions, Taking Things for Granted, and False Assumptions

1) The Evolution and Development of the Human Species

The process of the formation and development of this pattern is extremely complex. Ideas were formed through experiences gained from human activities in both natural and social environments. Gradually the connections between things and the laws and patterns governing their behaviour became clearer. Ideas about what things actually are and how they should behave were formed in the process. Once the ideas were formed, they were often regarded as reasonable or right and therefore applied repeatedly. Through this process, they were strengthened and gradually became patterns of the consciousness.

For example, in the primitive era, humans accidentally discovered that animals burned by forest fire were easier to consume and tasted much better. The desire to have more cooked food prompted them to find a way to retain fire. Gradually, as they learned to use fire, they discovered that cooked food was also beneficial for health and that fire could keep them warm, help them see better at night and therefore keep them safer. This motivated them to develop techniques for starting and controlling fire.

Let’s try to sum up this process as follows:

Raw experience → tested and verified → useful experience → forming ideas and concepts → applying formed ideas and concepts → deducing laws (what is right, reasonable, sound) → applying repeatedly → habitual thinking (pattern) → pattern at work → more related experiences.

It can also be this process:

Receiving information → applying information → raw experience → experience tested and verified → laws deduced (sometimes right or reasonable) → repeated application → pattern formed

In addition, another way to form ideas is through empirical inference. For example, through observing the phenomena of daylight and rooster’s crowing, and reaching the conclusion or idea that daylight will come soon after the rooster crows or daylight is not coming soon since the rooster hasn’t yet crowed.

The pattern of fixed expectations, preconception, taking things for granted and false assumption (‘pattern of fixed expectations’ for short) manifests as fixed ideas or expectations about how things should be or go. When operating this way, subjective ideas or wishes override the objective reality. Other manifestations of this pattern include self-righteousness and holding tightly to one’s own ideas, views, judgments or expectations. It is a strong assumption that things can only be or go the way I want and there is no other way.

In the past century, the world has been advancing at a faster rate than ever before. What comes with this fast development is a large amount of information. Every moment we are bombarded with all kinds of advice, ideas, suggestions and opinions. Everywhere we go there are people trying to persuade us or sell us ideas. We can feel confused and lost, not knowing what to believe. Should we trust someone else or our own instinct? How do we avoid being misled or making rash decisions? In this era, being able to remain level-headed and make sound judgments seems more important than ever.

It is worth noting that we are not just passive receivers or victims of information. We can also become perpetrators. If we pay enough attention to ourselves, we may discover the activity of the pattern of fixed expectations. Look at how easily we can be affected by our preconceived ideas. How do you feel when

• your son didn’t pass his school exam
• your friend bought you a saucepan for your birthday while he knows you don’t like cooking at all
• your ex-wife told her friends that you always lie
• your family are all Christians but your teenage daughter suddenly decides to become a Buddhist
• your neighbour hasn’t mowed their front yard for 2 months
• you slept poorly the last two nights

If we examine our thoughts and ideas closely, we may find that there are so many set ideas and expectations operating behind our views, judgments, decisions and emotional reactions without us being aware of them. We take things for granted and do not allow room for other possibilities. However, the reality is that there is always more than one possibility. There are simply too many variables affecting how everything changes and develops, and some of them are predictable and some of them are not.

To stay in touch with reality, it is unreasonable to operate on our own fixed expectations or ideas. For a person who is committed to life cultivation on the consciousness and Jingshen levels, the work on this pattern is especially important; it concerns the quality of one’s consciousness.

Too often we hold on to a set idea and see it as absolute truth, leaving no room for other possibilities. For example, someone steals your wallet. You hate this thief and detest the crime he committed because your interest and privacy were seriously violated. However, after getting to know him better, you realize that this young boy was brought up by violent and alcoholic parents who never provided an adequate living or the opportunity to receive a good education. Now his sister is sick and he doesn’t know how to get the money for her treatments. So, he decides to steal. However, before you found out more about him, you were so certain that he was a bad person.

The pattern of fixed expectations can lead us to develop false views and ideas and hold on to them as absolute truth. In reality, everyone’s ‘truth’ is different. When the ‘absolute truths’ people hold clash with one another, conflict can arise. This pattern can create problems and cause confusion and suffering to individuals, family and society.

In relative terms, the pattern of fixed expectations can have validity and advantage. Many of our fixed expectations and ideas are derived from past experiences. So they bear an element of truth and can be reasonable and beneficial to life. They can be used to help us recognize and get to know things quickly.

For example, many people think that education is necessary for a person to make a decent living. This has been taken as a fixed expectation and fixed idea by many parents. They encourage their children to study hard. In actuality, this has served as the pathway for many people to make a good living. To many parents who believe this is the sure way for their children to succeed in this world, their goal has been achieved.

The pattern of fixed expectations can yield many possible negative effects, and these effects can be comprehensive and long-lasting. Let’s use the above example of the idea that ‘education is necessary to make a good living’ to look further. For those parents who believe this is THE way to bring up their children, if their children are neither interested in nor oriented towards academic work, this set idea can cause problems. Say, a child is interested in singing but the parents do not think singing is a career worth pursuing. This could potentially cause a serious conflict between them.

The above example may sound familiar to many people. Indeed, every person has infinite possibilities and has infinite creativity, and should be given the opportunity to explore and create. However, it is not just other people who can impose their ideas or expectations on us. More often it is our own expectations and ideas that ‘bind our own hands and legs’ and restrict the freedom of the consciousness and the manifestation of our creativity. Too often we cannot break out of the confines of our patterns nor do we believe we can. We may have the intention to try something new, but often this intention is smothered by our fear of failure. We too easily persuade ourselves, ‘This is how my life is supposed to be.’, ‘It’s better to wait a while and see.’, or ‘It’s time to give up.’ Time and time again we prove ourselves ‘right’ this way, and the restrictions we put on ourselves get strengthened again and again. We then attribute all this to those unchangeable factors such as gender, family background, genes, external situations or other people and lose the driving force from within. Our set ideas and expectations become excuses for escaping from responsibility and commitment. It is as though we put out the fire of hope with our own hands, the hope that we can make change to life.

The pattern of fixed expectations is very common. Let’s look at a few possible negative consequences that this pattern can create.

1. How do we feel when the outcome of a thing is totally different from our expectations? Are the common things we feel such as frustration, disappointment, anger, guilt, shame in any way related to this pattern?
2. When we realize the world is far from the way we want the world to be, how do we feel? Are the common things we feel such as despair, hopelessness, helplessness, powerlessness, demoralization, depression, anger in any way related to this pattern?
3. When we see that people or things are far from what we have expected, how do we feel? Are the common things we feel such as discontentment, dissatisfaction, disapproval, disappointment, hurt, ambivalence, frustration, sense of loss or hopelessness in any way related to this pattern?

From the above, we can probably see the stronger the pattern of fixed expectations, the more likely we are going to experience all these unpleasant feelings. What we need to realize is that these feelings are not the end of the road. Nevertheless, they can have ongoing negative effects if they are not dealt with properly. A vicious cycle can form. For example:

Manifestation of the pattern → unpleasant feelings and emotions → harmful thoughts and ideas caused by the unpleasant feelings and emotions → harmful speech and behaviour → conflict → tension and problems in relationship → negative effects on all things between the two parties → more unpleasant feelings and emotions →...

It’s human nature to want things to develop in accordance with our wishes. However, to turn our own expectations and ideas into standards for everything, is like digging a deep hole and jumping into it. When the pattern of fixed expectations is active, the expectations, ideas and views we hold can seem absolutely true and totally irrefutable. When defending these expectations and views, we feel nothing could possibly prove us wrong. It seems that the stronger our belief in them, the more we are in the ‘right’. We keep digging a deeper and deeper hole until we are completely trapped in it.

The reality is that everything follows its own law of change and development. Nobody is able to have complete knowledge and control over how everything develops and manifests. Nobody is born with the ability to make everything go the way they want nor can this ability be acquired. The good thing is we don’t need this ability to make life healthy and happy and to grow; we just need to know how to deal with things that don’t go as we expect, in a healthy way. Life can be a process of learning and growing and can be full of wonder and enjoyment without holding on to our fixed expectations and ideas.

It is important to know ourselves, especially our state, if we want to steer life in the right direction. We can be so used to focussing mainly on our own personal cares and concerns. Therefore it is so easy to look at things and make decisions according to our own wishes and desires. Our thinking follows ‘our own logic’ and all that we think ‘should be’ and we make judgments and conclusions from there. It is no surprise that we assume others will think and act as we do and we judge them from that perspective, and hence misjudgment, misunderstanding and bewilderment are the inevitable outcomes. Not to mention that we can engage in building a ‘story’ upon our fixed expectations and take ourselves farther and farther away from reality, while pain and suffering continue to build up.

Quality of life, to a large extent, is determined by the quality of our consciousness. Everyone can think, but too often our thinking is dominated by the pattern of fixed expectations. What we think and see can become twisted, incomplete, flawed, unfounded or even biased. Obviously this can have a huge influence on our life. Improving the quality of our thinking is therefore, to anyone who intends to improve life, a serious matter. To achieve this, a good intention is not enough; a lot of work is necessary.

Let’s look at what can be done to change this pattern. The following points can be used as reminders when this pattern becomes active.

1. Observe your own speech and behaviour keenly to see if the pattern of fixed expectations is active, because the manifestation of this pattern will likely cause others to feel uncomfortable or even offended. Be vigilant and aware of the expectations and ideas from your consciousness, especially when you are disturbed by what happens or when you find yourself in a conflict. Examine the underlying assumptions and pre-conceived positions and whether they are sound and reasonable. Look at where your ideas and expectations have come from. Have you jumped to a conclusion? Constantly ask yourself if your judgments and views are sound and reasonable. Bear in mind that there is always room to improve our views and judgments so they can be objective, fair and balanced, and reflect the truth. Make the above a habit.
2. If you cannot relax and feel calm until you know that things have gone exactly the way you want, you may have the tendency to control. To work on it, try to catch yourself when the urge to control appears. Take a moment to look inward to see the state you are in. Think about the harm this state might cause to yourself, other people, your relationship with them and the thing or situation you are trying to control. Examine where the sense of insecurity has come from. Ask yourself if it is absolutely necessary to exercise control this way. Does it work? Does it make you feel safer? Is it really beneficial for the thing or situation? See if there is a different way – a way that can get things done just as well but through a process that is more beneficial for all. In fact, there is a way. If you can be more open and have more trust and gratitude, people will have more space to exercise their potential and creativity and be inspired to perform their tasks well. Doing things in such a harmonious environment is not only enjoyable but also beneficial for growth.
3. Do your best whenever doing something and at the same time, have a natural attitude towards both the process and the outcome, regardless of how they unfold.
4. Things happen –– things we are not used to or things we dislike or even hate. They have their causes, and we may not know all the causes. No matter how we feel about them, what has happened has become reality. If necessary, learn to accept things instead of painfully resisting or hoping that they hadn’t happened. The good thing is that reality is not fixed; it will continue to evolve. Look ahead and think about what you can do to help transform and develop matters in a positive way.
5. If a person has the habit of complaining whenever things are going against his or her expectation, it is a matter that needs to be taken seriously. Complaining is an extremely negative and destructive habit. This behaviour and the information it puts out do not have any positive effect on the people, thing/situation or objects involved; they only cause more harm and make the situation worse.

To change this habit, apart from paying good attention to and working directly on the behaviour itself, it is also important to change the way we think. Here are some areas that can be worked on. Recognize that complaining is a bad habit and that it cannot change what has happened and it will only make things worse. Recognize that ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are not absolute and unchangeable. Whether something is a ‘good’ thing or a ‘bad’ thing is often determined by how we see it and what we do with it. A so-called ‘bad’ thing is often an opportunity for making a correction or improvement. For example, when we fail at something, we learn where our weaknesses are and we work to strengthen the weak areas. Through this process we grow. This seemingly ‘bad’ thing in fact is a good thing. It is a matter of where we put our focus and our effort.