5. Making Unnecessary Comparison

This pattern refers to the mentality and behavior of making unnecessary comparison, including making comparison without a meaningful reason or purpose. 

Examples are: 

• Why is it that your friend Pierre always does better in exams than you? 
• It is unfair that Marie is so pretty and I am not. 
• An old friend from school is now very rich and living in a big house and we are still renting. 
• I am no less of a human being than those sitting in first class seats. Why do I have to fly coach every time? 
• Albert is so lucky. He can have anything he wants. My life is still so tough, even after working so hard. 
• I have been working hard on cultivating my life for so long. It is so unfair that some other people who haven’t been practicing as long have reached a higher level of realization or even enlightenment.

Related patterns include: Competitiveness, Envy and Jealousy, Tormented by Loss and Gain, Greediness, Exaggerating and Debasing, Approval Seeking, Perfectionism, Eager for Quick Results and Fixed Expectations. 

This pattern can be a source of incessant stress. It can also cause discontent, dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, self-pity, defeatism, a sense of failure, arrogance, self-inflation and narcissism. When the pattern is overly active, making such comparisons could become one’s biggest source of motivation and the driving/guiding force for life.

• Understand that it is a reality that every person and everything in the universe is unique. It is not necessary to pursue superficial ‘uniformity’ and so-called ‘fairness’ and it is unlikely that they can be achieved. 
• When it is necessary to make a comparison, do it objectively from the perspective of totality. For example, see oneself from a perspective that is beneficial for understanding, changing and developing one’s own life. Approach viewing other people and the external world from a perspective that can inspire and motivate oneself and others to learn and grow. 
• Try to shift the focus from what a person has and enjoys to the effort and the sacrifice that person has made. 
  
• The criteria we adopt when we make a comparison should always be examined. Mainstream values may not be the only standards to adopt when making a comparison. Instead, the path we choose should reflect values that are truly beneficial for the health and growth of ourselves and others. 
• Recognize that every person has both weaknesses and shortcomings and also many strengths and positive qualities. The focus should be on valuing the latter and making good use of them in every present moment, rather than making unnecessary comparisons. Accept one’s own imperfections with an open heart and treat yourself and everything with gratitude, Gongjing and love. Focus on living this way to make every day better. This is a more meaningful and useful way to live and be. 
• It is important to come to the realization that the distinction of ‘I’ and ‘others’ is not as clear-cut as what most people think. In essence, all humans and other beings are a unity, or totality – individuals and the world are not separable. Therefore, each individual should endeavour to build a society where all can thrive and develop.